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Discarded. It’s a phrase I typically hear when speaking to girls whose marriages have ended. It’s how I felt after my very own marriage ended six years in the past. And because the Christmas season rolls round once more, I do know that newly divorced girls and single mothers will really feel particularly discarded through the holidays.
That feeling of being discarded, disregarded, pops into so many small moments. When the invitation by no means arrives for a celebration you and your partner had attended every December for so long as you may keep in mind. When your kids are included in vacation occasions along with your former in-laws, and also you’re left house alone. When church associates ask why your children aren’t with you on the Christmas Eve service.
Feeling discarded is painful. And at Christmas, it may really feel such as you’ve been stranded on the island of misfit toys. When your home is empty at Christmas, you might want to know somebody sees you.
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A part of feeling discarded is realizing you don’t know the place you match anymore. I not too long ago polled divorced girls concerning the phrases folks used that made them really feel broken, deserted, discarded. I used to be shocked by what they’d been advised:
“Recover from it and transfer on.”
“You’ll be glad if you discover another person.”
“What half did you play in inflicting him to cheat?”
“Abusive? The place did he hit you?”
“You speak so much; that in all probability wore him out.”
“Have been you controlling or needy?”
“Did you set the youngsters above him?”
“He wouldn’t try this; he’s a church elder.”
“God can’t use a divorced girl.”
“You need to have stayed, it doesn’t matter what.”
The harshness and cruelty is devastating. No marvel so many divorced girls really feel discarded.
There’s a cry of injustice that comes with being dismissed and discarded. The Bible recounts the story of a servant lady, Hagar, trapped in a scenario the place she was mistreated and discarded. Her mistress Sarai was jealous of Hagar to the purpose that Hagar lastly ran away.
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However God finds Hagar and speaks to her. Hagar calls Him “the God who sees me.”
That is the point out in scripture of an angel of the Lord visiting anybody, although the expertise was later shared by Abraham, Moses, Balaam, Gideon, and others. It’s essential to notice that this primary point out of the angel of the Lord showing was to an individual who was discarded. God appeared to a single mother-to-be who had been mistreated and ran away.
God noticed Hagar. As I moved via my very own heartbreak and divorce, I typically felt seen by God. Typically it has been as I learn my Bible, prayed or journaled. Different instances I felt seen by God within the loving phrases and actions of household and associates.
Three years after my divorce, I used to be anticipating my first Christmas morning with out my three kids. I’d identified it was coming for the reason that Christmas earlier than, however advance discover didn’t soften the arduous actuality.
I definitely didn’t count on this every-other-Christmas scenario once I stated “I do” twenty years earlier. It might have felt like life had moved on and folks had forgotten I used to be nonetheless alone. However I didn’t really feel discarded that 12 months. I felt beloved and seen.
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One set of fine associates, The Brewsters, had turn out to be prolonged household, associates for the lengthy haul, for all times. I might really feel completely comfy spending Christmas morning with their crew. However that 12 months their household was could be visiting household in one other state, so Jackie Brewster and I loved our personal pre-Christmas celebration breakfast. Afterward, as I pulled into her driveway to drop her off, she requested me to attend. She had one thing she wanted to seize for me.
Seeing what every member of the Brewster household had picked out made me smile and the thoughtfulness of their presents introduced me to tears. (iStock)
I used to be shocked when Jackie reappeared at her entrance door. She and her whole household of six have been carrying ten wrapped presents they’d picked out and bought with loving care. For me.
You see, Jackie was raised by a single mother. She had a front-row seat to a mom’s Christmases alone, so their household was ensuring I felt seen and included.
That Christmas morning, I woke as much as an empty home. I used to be alone (aside from my trusty chicken canine, who had a stocking stuffed with treats), however I felt seen. With the lights twinkling on the tree and a hearth in my hearth, I slowly unwrapped every reward.
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Seeing what every member of their household had picked out made me smile and the thoughtfulness of their presents introduced me to tears. I used to be identified. I hadn’t been discarded. The presents jogged my memory they knew me, they noticed me as an extension of their household, and so they beloved me sufficient to assist me have fun my Christmas alone. I used to be cherished and beloved.
God sees you. He is aware of if you really feel discarded and heartbroken, when you may have been mistreated and abused. Be affected person, preserve displaying up, and be courageous and weak. You’ll discover the place the place you’re accepted and wished. As a result of God sees you.